I’ll Quit as The Empress

At the moment, unknowingly, his body was moving first. It was an instinct to embrace her soft back that he couldn’t hold on that day.

“………Your Majesty!”

Even if Evelyn was trying to shake it off, Fabian didn’t budge, embracing her back tightly.

“I should have held you then…..”

A deep-low voice rang in Evelyn’s ear.

“I should have caught you on the night when you said you would leave me.”

Fabian’s arms, which embraced her, were warmer than his arms in her memories. There was a strong scent of him that she had never forgotten.

“I shouldn’t have let you go no matter what.” The end of his low voice trembled a little.

“I shouldn’t have sent you like that.”

Evelyn only realized that Fabian’s fingertips, which held her tight, were shaking a bit.

“Everything……I regretted it. Ever since that night there have been no days I did not regret.”

There was no longer any regret, and Evelyn’s heart was already cold.

“Your Majesty, please stop ……please let me go.”

“No, now I don’t want any more regrets. I can’t do that.”

Fabian hugged Evelyn more closely. Evelyn’s warmth, which he had been looking for in the nightmare of a tiring night, was real. He came here all the way, but Evelyn told him to let go of her again.

“You said it was late? Just let it go like a flowing water?”

He would have forgotten it right away if he could. He wouldn’t have come to Evelyn with this foolish regret.

“I can’t. My time stopped when you left, and it started to move when I met you again. I barely knew it now, so why should I let it go?”

Evelyn bit hard on her lips. Fabian had an unknown reason.

“Your majesty ……you and me weren’t in a good relationship, so it’s over, and we’re destined to go in our separate ways.”

Evelyn stepped out of Fabian’s arms. At the moment, a feeling of frustration arose in Fabian’s chest.

“Stop! It’s destiny, destiny! I don’t want to hear any boring excuses.”

Fabian reached out, grabbed her arm as she tried to run, and put it in front of him. Evelyn didn’t look straight at Fabian as if she was swallowing her pain.

“I……I’ve already learned the regret of letting you go. I’ll never repeat it again.”

The real pain came after an easy departure. As easy as letting it go, it hurts even more.

“Even against flowing water, or stopping the blowing wind, I won’t let it slip out of my hands in vain.”

Fabian had made up his mind already. He said he would never repeat the stupid thing of saying goodbye because it caused regret and left a scar on his life.

“Your majesty, it’s already …”

“Already in the past? I know it well. Yes , I know it’s like hell.” Fabian took Evelyn’s hands and held them tightly. It was something he wasn’t able to do that night. “So, from now on, I’m not just going to let anything go.”

The Emperor’s dignity or man’s pride couldn’t comfort Fabian because regret came to his life at every moment. If he’d held hands that he couldn’t keep if he hadn’t let things go that way. So Fabian could hold Evelyn’s hand without hesitation.

“I’ve been wanting to hold this hand again ever since. But as an Emperor, I only realized that I couldn’t change the past.”

“Why do you know so well…?”

“It’s different now. Then the future will be different.”

Evelyn slowly closed her eyes and then opened them. Her heart ached. Fabian now knew nothing about her previous life. How cruel their relationship was and how vain the end was.

“I was a bad husband to you. I was indifferent because I was busy with official duties, and I was heartless because I didn’t know how to express my feelings.”

Evelyn didn’t know the day would come when she could hear this from Fabian. She almost forgot to breathe for a moment. He was supposed to be a heartless man to the end. Only then could Evelyn’s choice wouldn’t be wrong.

“But I’ve never broken my marriage vows.” His dark eyes looked distinctly at Evelyn. “Since we shared our wedding rings, I have never broken my vows, even for a moment.”

His sincere eyes were hurt. Only then did Evelyn know for sure why her heart was cold. The present Fabian was still Fabian until he caused great pain and hurt to Evelyn.

While Evelyn was silent and obedient, he was still a man who knew nothing and left her alone to die.

“Maybe it wasn’t enough, I certainly loved and cherished you at every moment of my life. Even if I was clumsy and didn’t know your pain, I never pretended I didn’t know it on purpose. It may sound shameful, but I’ve never done something so terrible to destroy our relationship.”

Evelyn’s eyes had complicated feelings.

“Or … Is there a mistake I still don’t know ?”

In truth, after her return, his cold back was still the same. But nothing had happened to her that was caused by the man in front of her. Evelyn didn’t lose her child, and Fabian didn’t abandon Evelyn.

“The biggest mistake I’ve ever made is to let your hand go easily.”

As if to prove his words, Fabian held Evelyn’s hand tighter. His body temperature was still hot.

“Now I don’t want to repeat that mistake.”

Evelyn’s mind was agitated. It was Evelyn, who assured herself that she shouldn’t worry about this man again. But in her imagination, Fabian wasn’t like this.

“I won’t ask you to come back right away. All I want is a chance to make up for my fault.”

The present Fabian wasn’t just a cold and heartless man. Perhaps because she didn’t lose her precious child, she didn’t have the same resentment she had before her return.

“I want to do what I regretted I couldn’t do to you. At least, I want to erase the regret that that I was not able to do anything at all.” Fabian’s throat choked up, but he couldn’t bear to express himself.

“Then, you can decide after that. Even If you refuse me again at that time……. it’s not too late.” There was despair in Fabian’s eyes. Why could a man have changed so much? It was better to stay up to the end as a bad person, and Evelyn despised Fabian, who again bothered her heart like this.

“Or….You still hate me……” His low and calm voice sounded strange.

“I don’t have any feelings for Your Majesty anymore.”

Fabian had a faint smile, “But there’s hatred in your eyes that sees me.”

“I think that’s why it’s fortunate.”

The night she said goodbye, there was no emotion in Evelyn’s eyes. So it was more unbelievable.

“Even if it’s hateful, it’s a relief that you have feelings for me.” Evelyn said. She feared seeing those hopeless eyes again.

“I’m glad it’s proof that I still have something to do .”

“No.” Evelyn didn’t want to give him false hope. This man once put herself in pain. Whether it was intentional or not, the only one who should have protected Evelyn had abandoned the responsibility.

Evelyn hated it and shook off his hand. Fabian didn’t hold her any longer, but he took Evelyn’s hand with a gentle look.

“But it won’t change. Our marriage couldn’t be happy.”

“It’s a hasty conclusion, and that’s extreme, too.” If he had seen what Evelyn had been through, Fabian wouldn’t have been able to say this.

People didn’t change. The oath couldn’t last forever, and the vows were nothing more than vain.

“As it doesn’t change the fact that I am me, so does your Majesty.”

“I like you because you’re Evelyn Felice. Do you hate me because I’m me?”

Evelyn once also liked a man named Fabian. Not an Emperor, but a man with his serene, dark eyes looking calmly at her.

“……Because it’s Your Majesty…..”

The shade was shifting. Under the oak tree, Evelyn walked and sat on a small bench. Fabian followed her in silence and sat beside her.

“Because I’m the Emperor. Because I’m the Emperor of the Empire,” Fabian glazed low. “Is that why?”

“Yes.”

Fabian laughed in vain. “That’s… it’s hard to accept.”

“I know. I’m married to the Emperor, so it’s a strange reason.”

She did. Evelyn met, loved, and married Fabian, the Emperor from the beginning. It was a selfish excuse, but Evelyn didn’t know how much it meant to be at that moment.

“Yeah, it’s weird. It’s a strange reason.” Fabian repeated Evelyn’s words, “But I want to know why you thought that way.”

His deep eyes looked at Evelyn. The fact that Fabian was Emperor couldn’t be changed. Even he was in the realm of necessity, and he couldn’t help it. So he needed a clear answer.

For Fabian, it was cruel to live without knowing why. And right now, Evelyn couldn’t be that harsh on a man with desperate eyes.

“I don’t know the exact answer. Can I just, ….. talk to you a little bit?”

At least, now, he had the right to know. The man in front of her was still Fabian before he pushed Evelyn into pain.

Fabian slowly nodded. He was the busiest man on this continent, but now he patiently waited for Evelyn than anyone else.

“I was serious when I said that I didn’t know your Majesty…” Evelyn opened her lips between the soft wind. “I thought I knew your Majesty better than anyone else.”

When Fabian didn’t even remember her birthday, Evelyn pointed to Fabian’s trivial habits. She felt it was proof that she had known him well. Even Evelyn boasted that Fabian didn’t know her and that only she knew him.

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“What I know is your outward appearance. Things that everyone can know with a little observation.”

It wasn’t because Evelyn was special. Whoever was in the imperial court knew much about the Emperor. Protecting the Emperor’s throne was one of her duties as Empress, and Evelyn was one of them.

“And I knew we were very different people.”

Fabian’s eyebrows frowned a little.